Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Let the dying speak ...

How often do we we read or watch a deathbed scene where the dying person is struggling to articulate some confession or apology, and where the person who sits with them tries to brush their words aside, or tell them there is no need to unburden themselves, that all that is in the past, and that they must not distress themselves?


My feeling is that those who are dying should be allowed to say what is troubling their minds and lying heavy on their hearts; and however painful it may be for the listener to hear, those last words should be accepted and acknowledged. At no other time in our lives are we likely to be so clear about what we need to say, so that we may die peacefully and without regrets.


I wrote something here about how I wished my children to care for me in the last days of my life, and I am going to add to that some words about listening to what I have to say.

5 comments:

Lucy said...

I hadn't read that before, that you put the link to.

I think those deathbed scenes are pretty silly and unrealisitic, I don't think on the whole people are cogent and trying to speak then suddenly dead. I think the time when you have important things to say before you go goes on a lot longer before that, and the final times one's needs are rather different, to be allowed to go quietly perhaps. That was my experience with my parents anyway. I hope I listened enough when they wanted and were able to say the necessary things, reflect, be honest. I don't know if I was.

Maggie May said...

Have you noticed in those silly scenes that they always manage to say what they want to say & then just close their eyes & die. This is not at all what I have witnessed.

Judith said...

I'm sure you are both right. But it wouldn't be dramatically compelling if you showed the hanging on afterwards! Also, if we all lived the lives of the 'soaps', I should think we would be worn out after about 5 years, or we wouldn't have any friends left, or there would be nobody left in our circle that we could have a relationship with. Perish the thought!!!

sharryb said...

Thanks for sharing your words to your children about care. It feels like a good model for what I want to say also.

I also want to say how much I enjoyed your photo bio. Lovely. Beautiful.

darbymom said...

I love this post.....